he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
