so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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