Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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