I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
