There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
