i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
