I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
