There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
