I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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