Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
