There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
