I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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