oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
