i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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