i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
