margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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