At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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