On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
