He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
