Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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