did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
