This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
