Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
