how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
