They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
