Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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