I just made out with a guy for $7.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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