she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
me + whiskey = a bad person
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