pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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