He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
