I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Say something about gay babies.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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