I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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