If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
pray to the hookup gods
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
