We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
what day is it and did you see me today?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
