He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
