craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
