I wish I could punch you in the face.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
