id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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