I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
