He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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