I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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