Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
