I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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