I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
