forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
