If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
