I'm pants shitting drunk right now
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
