how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
