it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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