Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
